| A Poem |
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| 01:18pm 18/11/2007 |
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music: Almost Lover, A Fine Frenzy
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He waits inside, fingers tapping anxiously against a hard wooden table. Outside, people fly by and he cannot see them except to see that they are not who he is looking for, they only fly. He waits inside, sitting in a chair that long ago lost its comfort. The bottle before him tips dangerously to the left, then to the right, inverts itself and spills amber liquid onto the tabletop and over his shoes. He does not move to stop it, but allows it to sink in, consume him, until he’s drowning in gold he used to understand. There used to be a better gold, one that filled him and surrounded him, saturating him in a fire he could never explain, could never escape. He craves it now, craves the warmth of a golden haze, but all he finds is this liquid seeping into his pants, soaking threadbare socks, pooling on the floor and reflecting the dust mites floating in the air. He wonders if he’ll ever get it back again, but nothing remains to remind him of what it is, and he loses initiative. Once upon a time, he found himself in a sea of gold, but hesitation returned and fear blinded and now he sits inside as the people fly by. For some reason, he sinks but never drowns, never falls so deep it smothers him. He retains his clarity, his sight, his reason, and only the shadows in the corners of his eyes remind him of his madness. He wonders that the delusions aren’t real – he thinks they must be but knows they are impossibilities, and allows himself the moment of weakness when nothing ever goes wrong. He turns to find the shadows, smile at them and welcome them into his arms, but they melt away, like chasing faeries through a forest. His hand falls, fingers curling, and his neck bends. His chin hits his chest and he closes his eyes against the people who fly by, focusing on the laundry, the dishes, the grocery store he must eventually find. The laundry – he only has this one pair of pants. The dishes – perhaps if they were clean he would be able to eat. The grocery store – there he might find something besides himself to swallow. He might discover another form of reflection and another stupor, instead of sitting inside, waiting for something that no longer exists. The shadows beckon him and he turns away, staring at the people who fly by. He could become one of them, immerse himself in a world devoid of thought and filled with action. If he were to, he would clean up the amber liquid on the wooden floor, he would change his shirt, perhaps find his cigarettes and lit a few, just to watch them burn. He would go outside, to the grocery store, for a walk, buy a dog and throw sticks for it in the park. He would not sit here and stare, remembering the past and wishing the shadows could live again.
He has a niece, he could visit her. Or perhaps he might travel to France, drink expensive wine. A long time ago, he knew French. Perhaps it will come back to him, like a bicycle. He could even bring his niece to France, delight her with the food, the lights, the language. He could move out of this place, with its one room and the sink that only works at midnight. Perhaps he will go camping. He used to camp, before he lost initiative, and he thinks that the open sky might give him nightmares.
He wishes he had nightmares.
In a swift movement, he knocks the bottle off the table, sends it flying. It crashes into the stove and shatters; the rest of the liquid explodes over the burners, slides down the face of the broken oven and oozes into the cracks between the tiles on the floor. He wonders, briefly, if the liquid will stain. |
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| Laptops |
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| 05:03pm 01/02/2007 |
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music: Woke Up this Morning - Nickleback
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Okay everyone. I need some suggestions.
To start with, I'm conflicted about whether or not I want a Mac when I get my laptop sometimes this spring. I'm more used to PC's, but I love Robin's Mac, and Macs are kind of taking over the world anyway (or at any rate they will v. soon). So I don't know. Which is bad because that affects what kind of tablet I get, which I'm definitely getting, but some are PC-Compatable and some are made for Macs and I need to know the laptop I buy before I get one or the other.
*dilemma*
Also, what do you think the chances are of a $4000 laptop dropping significantly in price in a few months? Because that thing is *sexy* and I want it, but there's no way I'd ever get it because it's far too expensive.
It also has strobe lights, which is kinda cool.
So...advice? Recommendations? I don't know how computer-savvy you all are, but I'm very torn, and I want my tablet soon, so...
I probably won't get a Mac. For one, then I wouldn't be able to use the tablet until I got it, and I think I'd be better off with something I know (though the Macs are consdierably cheaper)...*sigh* |
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| 03:13pm 15/01/2007 |
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music: Haunted, Evanescence
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*is going to see the Goo Goo Dolls in a month*
...*thrilled*
And this band Augustana is opening for them, and I love their "Boston" song, so that should be cool.
And it's a school night, which is hilarious, but I've already bought the damn ticket and I'm going.
Sadly, I've no one to go with, but that'll be okay. |
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| Lie Cold in the Ground Like You |
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| 04:07pm 11/01/2007 |
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Title: Lie Cold in the Ground Like You
Rating: PG
Summary: He’s not hungry. But his hands fidget, nearly tearing each other apart and he can’t seem to do anything to keep this closed-up feeling out of his heart, so he’s making eggs in the hope that perhaps he might find some inspiration, some comfort, in them.
A/N: Oddly enough, non-Sirius centric. Though, I must admit, the paragraph where McGonagall and Sirius greet each other is my favorite. I like the whole thing, but that bit especially.
( Lie Cold in the Ground Like You ) |
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| Tom Riddle Makes a Friend |
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| 04:04pm 11/01/2007 |
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Title: Tom Riddle Makes a Friend
Rating: PG / PG-13
Summary: Tom Riddle makes a friend...of sorts.
A/N: This has always tickled me a little. It's not especially happy, but I like the title. V. short - only about 200 words, I think.
( Tom Riddle Makes a Friend ) |
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| Redemption is for the Living |
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| 03:59pm 11/01/2007 |
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Title: Redemption is for the Living
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Once you're dead, you're stuck there, and nothing can change you anymore.
A/N: I was trying for disconcerting with this one. I still don't think I got it, but...whatever. I like the tone. And the title, which is rare.
( Redemption is for the Living ) |
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| Shadows |
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| 03:54pm 11/01/2007 |
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Title: Shadows
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The fire burns, slowly, slowly. Light flickers across the room, dancing slowly (slowly) over the faces of those who live only in shadow and never in heart.
A/N: This is really depressing. Just so you know. I'm fond of it, though.
( Shadows ) |
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| Preparedness |
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| 03:47pm 11/01/2007 |
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Title: Preparedness
Rating: PG / PG-13
Summary: Of course he’s known Sirius is coming
( Preparedness ) |
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| In the Darkness |
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| 03:45pm 11/01/2007 |
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Title: In the Darkness
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Some memories. And a resolution.
A/N: This desperately needs to be rewritten, but I haven't the inclination or the time to do so right now. Parts of this I absolutely love. Others are horrible. It also needs a better title.
( In the Darkness )</> |
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| Cupcake |
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| 03:42pm 11/01/2007 |
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Title: Cupcake
Rating: PG
Summary: Peter Pettigrew did not betray his friends because they didn't appreciate him, they teased him, they ignored him, or even because he was simply evil. It was for a much graver reason than that...
A/N: This is absolutely ridiculous. I almost didn't post it, but decided that it amused me enough while writing it that I'd go ahead. The only piece of humor I've ever written.
( Cupcake ) |
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| Control |
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| 03:24pm 11/01/2007 |
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Title: Control
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When Sirius learned control, he promptly tried to forget it again. Unfortunately, the idea stuck and for eight years of his life, his mother beat control into his body until he was like clockwork, so finely wound that nothing could break him.
( Control ) |
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| For Rachel |
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| 03:22pm 11/01/2007 |
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Right. Miss Rachel, in her insanity, wants my fics. So I guess I'll just make a huge number of posts with all the ones I think I have posted on my old journal. I have no idea how long this list is going to be, but whatever.
So....those are all coming, I suppose.
~Rachel |
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| Voila |
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| 08:21pm 09/01/2007 |
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mood:  complacent music: Young Lust, Pink Floyd
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Hey everyone...all...three or so of you, I suppose. Welcome to my amazing new journal. If you're looking on your friend's page, you should definitely come see my awesome new layout, etc.
That's all, really. Can't say I'll update this any more than I updated the other one, but who knows. Maybe change will be some kind of incentive for me.
Ciao,
Rachel |
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